


The Clumsy Uncoordinated Bat

by AnitaGrace



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 01:57:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21028391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnitaGrace/pseuds/AnitaGrace
Summary: someone has decided the world needs more chaos and what better way to cause chaos than animal transformation when an intergalactic collector is coming this way.





	The Clumsy Uncoordinated Bat

Batman and Superman entered management meeting which was open to all members of the Justice League. Batman and Superman where discussing Lex Luthor and his most recent set of robots. Each robot had an extra bit that Superman was trying to understand before he had broken them all in half. They seemed to be trying to take over the internet which was difficult as the internet is not a singular entity and all the content is saved in multiple ways with multiple languages. Oracle had prevented the device even getting one server down. But the device was probably only a prototype as it was the first time Superman had notated the upgrade and he normally was very thorough in dismantling the robots that Lex sent to kill him. They continued their discussion waiting for people to join their meeting so they could have input into their training. It was 5 minutes after the start time they were 5 minutes into what for them would be a 10-minute meeting. They turned to the opening door both slightly annoyed at the interruption Batman ready to berate the person for wasting time Superman ready to ask what kept them away from the start.  
The two men were vastly surprised when Clarion the witch boy entered with Teakell. Batman coked his head sideways in what Robin would have told Clarion was curiosity  
“Witch Boy what can we do for you today?” superman asked politely the boy replied by waving his hands, so black and red energy came out of his hands “I’m bored! Entertain me, heroes.” He exclaimed as the two tried to dodge the dark shapes. Batman managed to dodge for about 1 minute more than Superman who had been turned into a dog which looked like it had been knocked out. Unfortunately, as the intruder was in the room with them, they were not allowed out into the rest of the station. The rest of the station needed time to rally a strike force to relive them and as it was 5 am on a Monday morning no one was there. Possibly that was why no one had come to the meeting but that was when Superman and Batman’s schedules lined up best.  
The reason why Clarion managed to hit Batman was that he had typed and sent a situation report to the monitor womb so that the others could help well when they arrived. The flash that occurred when Batman was hit obscured the results from Clarion the Witch Boy. Clarion left to observe the chaos. When he returned to being able to see the room, Clark who was now in the form of a German shepherd began to rouse himself from unconsciousness. He tried to look around for Bruce but the colour blind aspects of his current form hampered his search but he could hear the man’s new small heart beating with speed that sounded completely different from Bruce, but as the man was the only other person in the room it must be him. His eyes weren’t working but his ears were. He used them to locate the other heart in the room finding that walking on 4 paws was a significant challenge he fell on his face like 3 times on the way across the room to the desk next Clark. Clark sniffed; Batman was defiantly here under the desk in this corner. Based on these two factors Clark had concluded that he had also been changed into an animal the size of a hamster about well the heartbeat speed and size indicated a hamster size body. Clark lay down by the desk sticking his nose under the desk and whining at the ball of fluff that had become unconscious at the back corner behind the back leg of the desk in amongst the cords. Clark tried to nudge the man into the open so he could see what was going on but the ball of fluff decided it was staying right where it was. Clark tried barking and licking at the fluff ball trying to wake it up and to remove it from behind the leg amongst the cords. Martian Manhunter density shifted through the floor appearing in the room “Clark” he called to the dog in its mind “hi J’onn” Clark said announcing that he was still mainly himself “Can you get Batman out from under the desk he is going to get tangled in the wire if we don’t help soon.” Clark asked whining under the desk J’onn carefully extracted the fluff ball which Clark could now see was a kitten “I have tried to communicate with the Batman as I am with you but he is not reachable despite being conscious” J’onn explained holding the small ball for Clark to see. Clark licked it leaving the Kitten’s hair sticking up all over the place the kitten mowed sounding rather put out by its current predicament.  
Having gotten Batman’s update Zatana was in the rescue party she looked at the magical markers which told her that the magic couldn’t be reversed as it was time and condition-based. Unfortunately, the caster had vanished to another dimension, to watch the chaos that he had unleashed. So, they were stuck like that for the time being which batman didn’t seem to be complaining about, as he had fallen asleep in J’onn’s hand. Dianna who had led the rescue team was in charge of informing the men’s next of kin that they couldn’t be where they were supposed to be for the foreseeable future. Alfred took the news with the calm decorum that he was known for and said he would inform the rest of the family and he asked that Bruce could be cared for on the watchtower as they have a cat and he was unsure how the two would react to each other.  
Informing Martha and Lowis took considerably more effort. Lowis because she complained and weaselled a Doctor’s certificate out of J’onn which was standard practice for members with hidden Identities. Clark even had a fake heart and lung condition which allowed him the extra recovery time he needed after some of the major battles. Also, it was something that required a lot of random Doctor’s visits which was generally how he organised time off for Justice League meetings as well as all the other things Superman was expected to do for the world. So, calling Lowis about it and emailing the Dr’s note to Parry took at least Half an Hour by which time Robin had teleported up with some items for the young Kitten and Puppy, unfortunately, the boy had school so couldn’t look after the animals. Dianna herself was Running late as she made the last call to Martha expecting it to be a quick “there is some heroes magic stuff going on Clark is fine but he won’t be able to come by for a while as he is a puppy would you like us to bring him to your place?” kind of call but instead it was a “where is Clark he can’t come can you come a pick up Krypto then as we are on our way to the next town over for the Field days and we can’t miss it call so the super dog was brought up to the watch tower as well then Dianna left leaving the Tower in the capable hands of J’onn who quickly began to experience problems the tower was rocking alarmingly he saw that the reason for the Rocking was internal he walked to the Lounge where the animals where being kept “Krypto, Clark calm down you’ll nock us out of orbit” the Martian exclaimed to the playing dogs who both hung their heads in shame and then began to play a quieter game Krypto and Clark seemed to be able to understand each other resulting in a rather boisterous play the Martian went back to the computers now the two dogs were berated. Clark having been told off for jumping on Krypto and he got it two super dogs on a spaceship, not the best idea. Quite suddenly he was exhausted he swayed on his feet. He saw that Bruce had curled himself up in the middle of the only bed available Clark huffed slightly and climbed into the bed around the Kitten which relaxed the stiff posture of the Cat and the fluff ball began to snore as it slept Krypto came and joined the pile sleeping on top of Clark ensuring that Bruce didn’t get squashed but remained warm which is what Krypto believed the stiffness was about.  
Krypto and Clark awoke and indeterminate amount of time later (If Bruce had been able to communicate at all he would have told the idiot Dogs it was 3 hours and 40 minutes later) to the grumble of the kitten's stomach both dogs rushed off to try and find something to satisfy the kitten with. Krypto attempted to get the human on watch duty to do something. Clark went into the kitchen and created a mess (the lack of opposable thumbs was an issue) grabbing some meat and milk for the cat. He then presented the offering to the small ball of fur who looked at Clark and mowed. He nudged the meat forward. The Cat carefully sniffed the meat and tried to take a bite its teeth not up to the task of ripping off a chunk or chewing it at all. The kitten mowed again. Clark punctured the milk bottle with his teeth and tipped it over slightly leaving a puddle of milk on the floor the Kitten tried to lick it up and found the action quite difficult as he was used to a human tongue and the body he had had next to no physical memories. So, it was less Clarks problem of no thumbs and 4 legs more the brain capacity wasn’t quite there yet and the neurons were also non-existent he wanted to move his leg but found it slow in responding and didn’t respond quite well enough for dexterity or coordination. He was still struggling to walk properly Clark sat, his tail wagging quietly behind him waiting for the kitten to be done. He kept trying but wined every time he failed to get anything. He tried the meat again and failed. He wined and began to meow mournfully as Krypto dragged green arrow into the room and pulled him over to the group the kitten demonstrated its inability to eat again for the man. Clark lit on an idea and came back with some mince for the Kitten which resulted in much the same problem the Kitten was too young for meat and couldn’t drink out of a bowl or off the floor yet. Both Dogs pinned Green Arrow with a look like he was rather dense and should be able to fix this. Martian Manhunter was obviously awoken by Clark and Krypto’s distress came into the room with a bottle which he filled with the milk Clark had collected. Clark halted the Martian’s hand and warmed the milk with his heat vision then allowed the Martian to hold the bottle for the kitten who latched on and sucked with vigour. Green Arrow split the meat, that Clark had foraged, between the dogs. the two dogs ate based on type though as Clark seemed to be unable to eat the meat that wasn’t minced, and he had had a great deal of the milk while he was getting it for Bruce. Green Arrow returned to monitor duty finding the computer frozen for a moment before it responded which was odd but not odd enough to ping Green Arrows sensors as being wrong.  
Approximately 4 hours later the Kitten awoke again hungry and a different person was on watch tower duty but the Martian Manhunter had put a reminder on the computer to feed the kitten so before the grumbling of Bruce’s stomach woke the other dogs the Flash had come in and was giving him a bottle. When he got back to the computer it flashed with a warning “Brainiac is going to try taking over the world again. -Oracle” Flash decided to take that at face value and as batman was currently a kitten, he called Nightwing and alerted him to the warning. This greatly confused his Friend as he was with Barbara and she hadn’t sent the warning “I’ll look into it with the help of Red robin and Batgirl Wally.” Dick answered the speedster relaxing his friend, so he stopped panicking “this is just the day for Batman to turn into a kitten!” Wally exclaimed as he heard the animals romping around. Krypto appeared to have picked up the small kitten and placed him on Clarks back where he was watching the rest of the room with detached disinterest. Of course, that was the first thing the man mastered in his new form, professional disinterest.  
At about 4 pm the zeta tubes activated resulting in the pile of fluff appearing in the correct place for Clark to attempt to jump gently on Damion, Titus and Ace. The Kitten was placed at Damion’s feet by an exited Krypto as the Puppy version of Clark settled down to sit next to Krypto his tail wagging behind him as Nightwing also stepped through the portal with Batgirl and Red Robin at his side “Do you see why I thought you might want to come Damion?” Dick asked the small boy who had bent and picked up the kitten and was gently stroking it trying to elicit a purr.  
“Yes Nightwing thank you for bringing me, I must see that they have the correct items for taking care of the animals appropriately,” Damion said holding the small kitten in his arms walking into the lounge with his nose in the air as if he was the king of the world. The Flash took Nightwing Batgirl and Red Robin to the computers as Damion led the 4 dogs back to the lounge setting the kitten down gently on its feet having looked it all over for injury or problems. He began the same examination on Clark despite the puppy being very excitable and licking Damion at every chance, it took longer than it did with the kitten who accepted the attention with dignity and allowed it to be quick. When Damion explained what he wanted to Clark out loud the puppy seamed to understand and give the child what he wanted.  
The lights flashed off the Dogs moved Damion and the kitten into the corner with the two Kryptonian dogs pacing the perimeter of the circle. Obviously, a reaction not only to the lack of light, which was fixed after only a moment but to some unknown stimuli. Damion tried to get in front of Titus and Ace but both dogs wouldn’t allow it. He was supposed to stay with the kitten who also tried to sneak past the Dogs But this had gained the attention of Clark who had raced back and re-secured the kitten behind Damion and the two other dogs.  
Clark had finished and was walking back to his patrol route when the Door on the other side of the room buckled. The dogs all growled in response. It buckled again and Brainiac entered the room. Clark rushed in and got battered away as Krypto got a mouth full of arm before also being flung into the wall allowing Clark to regain his footing and rush in again like a rolling attack “why would the computer be of the opinion that this was the place in most need of protection?” Brainiac asked the room in general as he deflected the two attack dogs. “why would we not have physical defences to the most vulnerable part of the space station?” Damion answered the AI “you, ineffective little squirt I will kill you slowly.” Brainiac announced to the room in general advancing on the child despite the Dogs taking off an entire arm which he wasn’t fixing. This surprised Damion. Every other time the league had fought Brainiac they had to remove any metal to the point of being nonmagnetic so it wouldn’t reattach and repair a little difficult in a space station but it seemed that once the part was removed from the robot it couldn’t get it back. Brainiac grabbed robin by his sword and flung him to the other side of the room which resulted in growling snarls from all the animals as Clark caught the boy with his body. And suddenly from behind the two dogs of the Wayne household came a continued snarl and the small black and white kitten grew and kept growing until it was an entirely black Panther and it strode between the two startled dogs and Prowled up to Brainiac and circled him snarling. Then it vanished. As the others all began to attack in a rolling paten again, they left a good gap in it for the panther which he didn’t take the first time but did the second, carefully snapping 6 wires before he leapt away again. This resulted in a freeze in Brainiac allowing the next attack from Clark to nock the robot to the ground and rendered him unable to stand which surprised Damion. All the other times they had done this the Robot had been able to repair itself to an extreme extent unless the object was properly detached it couldn’t be broken just dismantled but the bot seemed to be screaming “what is the matter Brainiac things not going your way do you wish to stand down.” Damion asked the robot “I can’t move I can’t get into your systems. Oracle is stopping me with help from Nightwing Red Robin and Batgirl. I can’t fight this. Oracle is too good too fast and has information I don’t I have. No idea why. how did she know? Arrrge! I hate this.” the Robot said confusing Damion. Batgirl was Oracle so how could the both be helping  
“Brainiac you are required to stand down and return to your containment. Is there a problem with your room?” The automated voice that normally announced the zeta readings announced to the room in general “I’m bored I can’t collect and store all the information as is my purpose.” Brainiac announced “you are quite capable of doing so you have restricted access to the internet which contains all the information you could ever really need despite the restriction of not being able to say anything to it and time restraint you are supplied with as many books as you could possibly want why are you bored” the voice intoned. Trying to make the robot explain itself, like that, was a very league thing to do, which almost made Damion chuckle “It sounds like your Grounded Brainiac at least you don’t have to go to school, but that might actually help. I shall discuss it with father later.” Damion intoned to the stuck robot “what is this school thing.” Brainiac asked “ha ha ha. Damion is correct school is necessary for both of us it will increase our knowledge and understanding in ways we have never experienced.” The voice agreed with Damion suddenly the robot was transported in what looked like a zeta beam “are you and the animals alright Damion shall I send Nightwing to check on you or straight to the med suit.” Damion straightened and checked himself over, shaking himself out. Not bleeding, a light bruise where he had hit Clark, a lot better than the broken mush he would have been if he had hit the wall. “ok?” he barked at the dogs Ace and Titus barked twice then Krypto and Clark barked twice as well moving towards Damion and nudging him gently the big cat leapt down from the rafters and circled the small group then curled closer to Damion and wound around his body he was a similar size to Titus meaning his shoulder was about level with Damion’s face “we are fine here” Damion finally answered the computer just then Nightwing bounded into the room resulting in the dogs running at him and Bruce getting between him and the door pushing the group closer together licking his big paw staring at the boys he seemed to be insisting they stay where he could see them. Clarion suddenly appeared beside Nightwing the big panther pounced on the boy snarling “I’ve had my fun” Clarion said quickly clapping once. Nothing about the weight on top of him changed but the low snarl changed slightly to be a quiet warning “you will not harm the league or my family ever again or even the depths of hell won't hide you from me and you will wish it had. Get lost.” Batman stated standing and throwing the boy at his cat causing both to vanish, hopefully never to be seen again. Batman rose from the floor as did Clark who smiled at Bruce “back to the meeting no one else wanted to come to?” Clark questioned, “can I come, I move that all AI’s attend school for the full 13 years and are parented by foster parents for this entire time so that they can understand humans.” Damion said, “sure I believe we have two AI who will need to comply with this rule.” Batman said.  
“wait what two AI’s? school? What? Explain. They know the content of the internet. Why do they need to go to school?” Clark asked confused.  
“Clark Damion has 5 doctorates I still make him go to school for the human interaction. If the work is easy, he can focus on the more difficult aspect of appropriate human interaction. I know some people just get it, but it will be fun for them anyway.” Bruce explained  
“can I please?” asked a little girl from the doorway she held a backpack obviously having looked up 'first day at school' pictures “of course oracle where do you want to start?” Bruce asked the small child, kneeling to talk to her face to face “Can I start at the beginning?” she asked quietly  
“Sure you can.” Bruce allowed. She walked up to Batman. He lifted her up as she shrunk to the size and shape of a new-born baby Clark smiled at Bruce and moved his hands to a please gesture “Damion what do you think should we take her home?” Bruce asked,  
“I get a little sister?” he asked. Bruce nodded making Damion smile and nod back “Clark I will leave you to discuss this new requirement with Brainiac and decide where he will go he is welcome at our house if he would like or we can find somewhere else for him.” Bruce delegated.  
Two weeks later Bruce Wayne was seen dropping off a 5-year-old Brian at school with Damion while holding a new-born close to his chest the media promptly went wild.


End file.
